The gentle art of crashing.

Recently a lot of people have been stopping me as I ride down the street and say, "Hey Neil how do you have so many awesome scars and yet stay so lithe and youthful".

These questions have made me wonder... Do I have a skill that I could share with others? Is this yet another thing I'm awesome at? What seat clamp will look best on my hardtail?

Crashing protocol.

Rule #1: Always protect the face. Your face is your money maker and it pays to stay pretty.
Rule #2: Place the bike gently on the ground. If it says Baum on the side it's worth keeping as pretty as your face.
Rule #3: Tuck and roll, keep extremities tucked to your body and roll with the momentum of the fall. If you try to stop yourself you'll come off second best.

Rule #1 is the most important of all, from there you must follow each law providing it doesn't hinder you following the one(s) above.

Once you've stopped rolling around the ground, stand up, brush yourself down and adjust your kit like a euro pro winning a classic (socks equal height, jersey straight and zips done up).

From this point begin to check your bike and subsequently your body for any damage. If limbs are missing check the surrounding area and tuck them discretely in jersey pockets. The comfort of surrounding riders is paramount, so stay composed and polite at all times.

If these instructions have helped you, then I'm glad, but if you're still unsure, come follow my lines, you'll soon be an expert yourself.